Conversations can stall when people run out of things to say. “This or that” questions solve this problem by giving everyone an easy way to jump back into talking.
These questions work by forcing quick choices between two options. People reveal their preferences, explain their reasoning, and often discover surprising differences in how they think.
The best part is how these simple questions turn into bigger discussions. One choice about coffee versus tea can lead to conversations about morning routines, travel experiences, or childhood memories.
“This or That” Funny Questions
Here’s your arsenal of hilariously thought-provoking questions that’ll get everyone talking, laughing, and maybe questioning their life choices.
1. Would You Rather Have Fingers as Long as Legs or Legs as Short as Fingers?
Picture this scenario for a second. With leg-length fingers, you’d become the ultimate pianist, able to reach keys three octaves apart without breaking a sweat. Opening pickle jars would be child’s play, and high-fives would require serious coordination skills. Your typing speed would either skyrocket or become completely impossible.
On the flip side, finger-length legs would turn every day into an adventure. Climbing stairs would become a full-body workout, but think of the money you’d save on pants! You’d finally understand what it feels like to be a corgi, and your center of gravity would be so low that windy days would never knock you over again.
Both options would definitely make shoe shopping interesting. Regular stores would be out of the question, and don’t even get started on finding gloves that fit properly.
2. Fight One Horse-Sized Duck or One Hundred Duck-Sized Horses?
This classic question never gets old because it forces you to think about combat strategy in the most ridiculous way possible. The horse-sized duck would be absolutely terrifying – imagine those webbed feet the size of dinner plates and a bill that could probably swallow your head whole. Ducks can be surprisingly aggressive when they want to be, and scaling that up to horse proportions sounds like a nightmare.
But one hundred duck-sized horses present their own unique challenges. Sure, they’d be adorable, but have you ever tried to corral a regular horse? Now multiply that stubbornness by a hundred and shrink it down to ankle-biting height. They’d probably travel in little herds, coordinating attacks like tiny cavalry units. The cuteness factor might work against you – how could you fight something so small and fluffy?
The real question becomes whether you prefer one big, scary opponent or a swarm of tiny, potentially overwhelming ones.
3. Have the Ability to Talk to Animals but They All Hate You, or Never Be Able to Talk to Humans Again but Animals Love You?
This question hits different because it’s basically asking you to choose your social circle. Talking to animals sounds amazing until you realize that your cat has probably been plotting your demise for years, and now you’d have to hear about it in detail. Dogs might be more forgiving, but imagine learning what your goldfish really thinks about their living situation.
The flip side means becoming like a real-life Dr. Dolittle, but at the cost of human conversation forever. You’d become the person who shows up to parties and spends the entire time in the backyard with the host’s pets. Dating would get complicated – how do you explain to someone that you can’t actually talk to them, but their hamster thinks they’re pretty cool?
Birds would probably become your main news source, which honestly might be more reliable than social media these days.
4. Always Smell Like Cheese or Always Sound Like You’ve Been Breathing Helium?
The cheese smell scenario would turn every social interaction into a test of people’s politeness. You’d walk into elevators and watch people’s faces change as they try to figure out where that strong cheddar aroma is coming from. Dating profiles would need a whole new section, and you’d probably develop a very close relationship with your dry cleaner.
But the helium voice option might be even more challenging in professional settings. Try giving a presentation when you sound like you’ve been hitting the balloon station at a birthday party. Phone interviews would become comedy gold, and ordering food at drive-throughs would either be hilarious or completely impossible.
The cheese smell might fade into the background for you personally, but that squeaky voice would be a constant reminder every time you spoke. Neither option is particularly glamorous, but at least the cheese smell might attract some interesting wildlife.
5. Only Be Able to Whisper or Only Be Able to Shout?
Whispering all the time would turn you into the most mysterious person in every room. People would lean in close to hear what you’re saying, which could either be really romantic or really annoying depending on the situation. Ordering coffee would become an intimate experience, and movie theaters would love you forever.
Shouting everything would make you the most unintentionally dramatic person alive. Every casual conversation would sound like you’re either really excited or really angry. Libraries would ban you, and your neighbors would know your entire life story whether they wanted to or not.
Think about phone calls – whispering would make every conversation feel like you’re sharing state secrets, while shouting would mean everyone within a three-block radius knows your business. Both options would definitely make you memorable, but for very different reasons.
6. Have Everything You Touch Turn to Glitter or Have Everything You Say Come Out as a Song?
The glitter touch would turn your life into a craft store explosion. Your morning coffee mug would become a sparkling masterpiece, but good luck ever having a clean house again. Handshakes would leave people looking like they just hugged a unicorn, and your job performance would depend heavily on whether your workplace appreciates festive décor.
Singing everything you say would make ordinary conversations feel like living in a musical. Asking for directions would become a performance, and arguments would have surprisingly good rhythm. You’d never be able to whisper sweet nothings again – everything would be belted out like you’re auditioning for Broadway.
Both options would make you incredibly popular at parties, but probably for completely different reasons. The glitter person would be everyone’s favorite for special events, while the singing person would either be the entertainment or the reason people leave early.
7. Live in a House Made Entirely of Cheese or Live in a House Made Entirely of Chocolate?
A cheese house sounds practical until you think about the summer heat. Swiss cheese walls would provide interesting ventilation, but structural integrity might be questionable during warm months. The smell would either be heavenly or overwhelming depending on your dairy tolerance, and you’d definitely need to invest in some serious pest control.
Chocolate houses present their own unique challenges. Imagine trying to maintain your property value when your walls melt every July. You’d need industrial-strength air conditioning, and your homeowner’s insurance would probably have some very specific clauses. On the plus side, stress eating would never require leaving the house.
Both options would make your address incredibly popular with children and probably require some creative solutions for basic home maintenance. Property taxes would be interesting to calculate, and selling the house would be either really easy or completely impossible.
8. Always Have to Hop on One Foot or Always Have to Walk Backwards?
Hopping everywhere would give you incredible leg strength and probably the most defined calf muscles in human history. Stairs would become your nemesis, and dance floors would either love you or find you completely out of sync with everyone else. You’d develop amazing balance, but shoe shopping would become critical – comfort would trump style every single time.
Walking backwards would turn every journey into an adventure. You’d develop eyes in the back of your head and become incredibly skilled at navigating using mirrors and peripheral vision. Crowded places would be challenging, but you’d never have to worry about walking into spider webs again.
Both options would make simple tasks like grocery shopping into full workouts. The hopping person would need wide aisles, while the backwards walker would need a shopping buddy or some serious spatial awareness skills.
9. Have Taste Buds on Your Hands or Have Eyes on the Back of Your Head?
Hand taste buds would revolutionize how you experience life, but not necessarily in a good way. Shaking hands would become a flavor adventure, and you’d finally know what money really tastes like. Cleaning would become unbearable, and you’d develop very specific opinions about different soap brands. Typing would be like having a constant snack, depending on how clean your keyboard is.
Eyes in the back of your head would solve the age-old problem of never knowing what’s happening behind you, but hairstyling would become incredibly complicated. You’d be amazing at sports and terrible at surprise parties. People would never be able to sneak up on you, but finding hats that fit properly would require custom orders.
The hand taste buds would affect everything you touch, while the extra eyes would change everything you see. Both options would definitely require some lifestyle adjustments and probably some very specific fashion choices.
10. Only Be Able to Eat Foods That Are Blue or Only Be Able to Eat Foods That Start with the Letter ‘P’?
The blue food diet would be surprisingly limiting. Blueberries would become your best friend, but most of your meals would require serious food coloring creativity. Blue corn tortillas exist, but finding naturally blue proteins would be challenging. You’d become an expert at making smoothies and probably develop strong opinions about artificial coloring.
The ‘P’ diet offers more variety than you might expect. Pizza, pasta, potatoes, pears, peaches, peanuts, popcorn, pickles – you could actually maintain a fairly balanced diet. Proteins would include pork, prawns, and various poultry options. The main challenge would be explaining your ordering restrictions at restaurants and finding creative ways to incorporate enough vegetables that start with ‘P’.
Both diets would make dinner parties interesting and probably require carrying around explanation cards for confused hosts and servers.
11. Have Extremely Long Arms That Drag on the Ground or Have a Neck That’s Three Feet Long?
Dragging arms would make you incredibly useful for reaching things on high shelves, but walking would become a coordination challenge. You’d never lose anything under the couch again, and hugs would be epic in scope. However, doorways might become problematic, and you’d need to completely rethink your wardrobe to accommodate your new proportions.
A three-foot neck would give you the best view at concerts and sporting events, but airplane travel would become logistically impossible. Scarves would require significantly more yarn, and whiplash would be a serious concern during sudden stops. On the positive side, you’d never have trouble seeing over crowds, and your perspective on life would be literally elevated.
Both options would make finding clothes incredibly difficult and would probably require custom furniture to accommodate your unique proportions.
12. Always Have Hiccups or Always Have the Urge to Sneeze but Never Actually Sneeze?
Constant hiccups would turn every conversation into a rhythm game. You’d become an expert at drinking water upside down and holding your breath, but public speaking would be nearly impossible. The silver lining might be developing amazing core strength from all that diaphragm action.
The perpetual almost-sneeze feeling would be psychological torture. That building sensation that never gets released would probably drive you to distraction. You’d become the person who’s constantly about to sneeze in quiet places like libraries and movie theaters, creating awkward moments wherever you go.
Both conditions would affect your daily life significantly, but the hiccups might be more socially acceptable than the constant pre-sneeze face, which could make people think you’re perpetually confused or disgusted by something.
13. Have Pizza Hands or Have Spaghetti Hair?
Pizza hands would make eating incredibly convenient but typing nearly impossible. Your fingers would be topped with cheese and various toppings, which sounds delicious until you think about trying to shake hands or use a smartphone. You’d never go hungry, but personal hygiene would become complicated.
Spaghetti hair would require completely new hair care routines. Traditional shampoo would be replaced with pasta sauce, and styling would involve actual cooking techniques. Windy days would be messy, and you’d need to be careful around hungry people. The upside is that bad hair days would literally be edible mistakes.
Both options would make dating interesting – some people would find it charming, while others might see you as a walking lunch invitation.
14. Only Be Able to Travel by Bouncing Like a Basketball or Only Be Able to Travel by Rolling Like a Bowling Ball?
Bouncing everywhere would give you incredible views from the peak of each bounce, but landing would be jarring every single time. You’d develop amazing shock absorption skills, but controlling direction would be tricky. Ceilings would become a constant concern, and indoor spaces would need high clearance.
Rolling like a bowling ball would be smooth but disorienting. You’d build up impressive speed on downhill stretches, but uphill travel would be exhausting. Steering would require strategic body positioning, and you’d need to avoid gutters and obstacles that could knock you off course.
Both methods would make simple trips to the grocery store into major athletic events, and public transportation would be completely out of the question.
15. Have Popcorn for Teeth or Have Jelly for Bones?
Popcorn teeth would make dental care interesting. Brushing would risk breaking your teeth, but flossing would be delicious. Eating anything harder than marshmallows would be challenging, and dentist visits would involve a lot more snacking. Your smile would be unique, and you’d probably develop a very soft food diet.
Jelly bones would make you incredibly flexible but structurally questionable. You could bend in ways that would amaze yoga instructors, but standing up straight would require serious effort. Stairs would be nearly impossible, but you’d never break a bone again – just potentially bruise your structural integrity.
Both options would require significant lifestyle adjustments and probably some very understanding medical professionals.
16. Always Speak in Rhymes or Always Speak in Questions?
Speaking only in rhymes would turn every conversation into impromptu poetry. You’d become incredibly creative with language, but urgent situations would be frustrating when you need to find words that rhyme with “emergency.” Your brain would become a rhyming dictionary, and people would either find you charming or exhausting.
Speaking only in questions would make statements impossible. Instead of saying “I’m hungry,” you’d have to ask, “Aren’t I hungry?” Every declaration would become a query, making you sound perpetually uncertain about everything. Job interviews would be particularly confusing, and giving directions would be nearly impossible.
Both speech patterns would make you memorable, but rhyming might be more socially acceptable than constantly questioning everything you want to communicate.
17. Have a Permanent Clown Nose or Have Permanent Clown Shoes?
A permanent red clown nose would make every photo memorable and every first impression colorful. You’d never be able to blend into a crowd, and job interviews would require some serious confidence. The upside is that children would love you, and you’d never have trouble being recognized at parties.
Permanent clown shoes would make walking an adventure every single day. Stairs would be treacherous, and running would be impossible. However, you’d never stub your toe on furniture, and rainy days would be no problem with that extra foot coverage. Finding socks would be challenging, but your footprint would be unmistakable.
Both options would make you instantly recognizable and probably very popular at birthday parties, but daily life would require some serious adjustments.
18. Only Be Able to Sleep Standing Up or Only Be Able to Sleep Upside Down?
Sleeping standing up would turn bedtime into a balancing act. You’d need to lean against walls or invest in some serious support systems. Hotel rooms would be confusing, and your sleep quality would depend heavily on your ability to stay upright while unconscious. You’d probably develop incredible balance and very strong leg muscles.
Sleeping upside down would require either serious upper-body strength or some creative furniture solutions. You’d see the world from a different perspective before falling asleep, but the blood rushing to your head might make rest challenging. Ceiling fans would become a safety concern, and traditional blankets would be useless.
Both sleeping styles would make sleepovers interesting and would probably require explaining your situation to every hotel staff member you encounter.
19. Have Hair That Changes Color Based on Your Mood, or Have Skin That Changes Texture Based on What You Eat?
Mood-based hair color would make poker games impossible and job interviews revealing. You’d never be able to hide your emotions, and bad days would be literally visible from across the room. Hair dye companies would either love you or hate you, and your hair would be like a constant emotional barometer.
Food-based skin texture would make meal choices incredibly important. Eating sandpaper-textured foods would make handshakes uncomfortable, while smooth foods might make you too slippery to grip anything. Your skin would become a dietary record, and you’d probably develop very specific opinions about food textures that go beyond just taste.
Both options would make you incredibly interesting at parties but would also mean giving up most of your privacy about your internal state.
20. Always Have Wet Socks or Always Have an Itch You Can’t Reach?
Wet socks would make every step a squelchy reminder of your condition. You’d become an expert at waterproof footwear and would probably develop very specific opinions about sock materials. Walking would always sound like you’re trudging through puddles, and your shoes would require serious moisture management.
An unreachable itch would be psychological and physical torture. You’d become incredibly creative at finding ways to scratch using doorways, back scratchers, and helpful friends. The constant distraction would affect your concentration, and you’d probably develop impressive flexibility trying to reach the spot.
Both options would be constant sources of discomfort, but the wet socks might be more manageable than the mental frustration of an itch you can never satisfy.
Wrapping Up
These ridiculous scenarios prove that the best conversations often start with the silliest questions. Whether you’re trying to break the ice with new people or looking to learn something unexpected about old friends, “this or that” questions have this magical ability to reveal personality quirks you never knew existed.
The beauty lies in how they force quick decisions about completely absurd situations. People’s reasoning process becomes just as entertaining as their actual choice, and you’ll be surprised how passionate someone can get about defending their preference for pizza hands over spaghetti hair.