Moving in with a new roommate can be equal parts exciting and nerve-wracking.
While the prospect of sharing living space and expenses has its perks, the wrong roommate can quickly turn your home life into a nightmare.
That’s why it’s crucial to ask the right questions before signing that lease. In this ultimate guide, we’ll cover:
- The importance of pre-screening potential roommates
- 10 must-ask questions to ensure compatibility
- Tips for having an honest and productive roommate discussion
- What to do if red flags arise during the conversation
By the end of this article, you’ll be armed with the knowledge and confidence to find the perfect roommate match.
Essential Questions to Ask Potential Roommates
1. What’s your typical daily routine?
Understanding your potential roommate’s daily schedule is key to ensuring a harmonious living situation. Try asking something like, “So, what does a typical day look like for you?” This open-ended question allows them to share their routine in detail.
If they’re an early riser who’s in bed by 9 PM, but you’re a night owl who thrives on late-night study sessions, there could be some friction. On the other hand, if your schedules align well, you may find it easier to share common spaces and responsibilities.
Pay attention to how they spend their free time, too. A roommate who’s always out and about may not be around to help with chores, while a homebody might monopolize the living room. There’s no right or wrong answer here – it’s all about finding a good fit for your lifestyle.
2. How do you feel about overnight guests?
Overnight guests can be a touchy subject among roommates, so it’s best to establish some ground rules early on. You might say something like, “I wanted to chat about overnight guests. How do you usually handle that with roommates?”
If they’re OK with occasional sleepovers but not long-term stays, that’s probably workable for most people. But if they expect their significant other to become a de facto third roommate, that could strain your living situation and finances.
Be upfront about your preferences, too. If you’re not comfortable with strangers in your home, say so. If you need a heads-up before guests come over, make that clear. The goal is to find a compromise that respects everyone’s boundaries and comfort levels.
3. What’s your approach to cleaning and chores?
Cleaning and chores can be a major source of tension between roommates, so it’s important to get on the same page from the start. A good way to broach the subject is to say, “I’m curious about your cleaning style. How do you like to divvy up chores with roommates?”
If they have a laid-back attitude and you’re a neat freak, you may struggle to keep the place tidy. On the other hand, if you both prioritize cleanliness, you can divvy up tasks and hold each other accountable.
Consider setting up a chore chart or schedule to ensure everything gets done regularly. And be honest about your own habits – if you know you’re forgetful about taking out the trash, own up to it and propose a solution.
4. How do you prefer to handle bills and rent?
Money matters can make or break a roommate relationship, so it’s crucial to have an honest conversation about finances upfront. You could say something like, “Let’s talk about the nitty-gritty money stuff. How do you typically handle bills and rent with roommates?”
If they prefer to split everything down the middle, but you’d rather divvy up expenses based on usage (like a higher electric bill for the person with the air conditioner), you’ll need to negotiate. If they’re forgetful about paying rent on time, you may need to set up reminders or automate payments.
Make sure you’re both clear on when rent and bills are due, how you’ll pay (Venmo, cash, check), and what happens if someone can’t pay their share. Having a written agreement can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts later on.
5. What are your thoughts on sharing food and household items?
Sharing food and household supplies can be convenient and cost-effective, but it can also lead to arguments if expectations aren’t clear. Try asking, “How do you feel about sharing food and household items? What’s worked well with past roommates?”
If they’re happy to share staples like condiments and cleaning supplies, great! You can split the cost and never run out of ketchup. But if they’re particular about their fancy shampoo or have dietary restrictions, it may be best to keep things separate.
Establish some basic rules around labeling food, replacing shared items when they run out, and asking before borrowing something. A little communication goes a long way in preventing fridge fights and passive-aggressive Post-it notes.
6. How do you decompress after a long day?
Everyone needs a little downtime, but what that looks like can vary widely from person to person. A good way to ask is, “After a long day, how do you like to unwind and recharge?”
If their idea of relaxation is blasting heavy metal music while you’re trying to zen out with yoga, there could be some tension. But if you both enjoy a glass of wine and trashy reality TV, you may have found your new best friend.
Pay attention to how they talk about their social life, too. If they’re always hosting game nights or dinner parties, but you value your alone time, there could be some conflicts around shared space and noise levels.
7. How would you handle conflict or disagreements with a roommate?
No matter how well you get along, conflicts are bound to arise when you’re sharing close quarters. That’s why it’s important to discuss conflict resolution strategies upfront. You might say, “I know roommate disagreements are inevitable. How have you handled those in the past?”
If they’re avoidant and prefer to sweep things under the rug, but you’re all about direct communication, you may struggle to see eye-to-eye. On the other hand, if you both value open and honest conversations, you can nip issues in the bud before they escalate.
Consider setting up regular roommate check-ins to air any grievances and brainstorm solutions. And if a conflict does arise, focus on “I” statements (“I feel frustrated when dishes pile up”) rather than accusations (“You never clean up after yourself!”).
8. What are your expectations around noise levels and quiet hours?
One person’s idea of “quiet” may be another person’s idea of “too quiet,” so it’s important to get specific about noise level preferences. Try asking, “What are your thoughts on noise levels and quiet hours? What’s worked well with past roommates?”
If they’re a light sleeper who needs total silence after 10 PM, but you’re a night owl who likes to watch TV before bed, you’ll need to find a middle ground. Maybe you agree to use headphones after a certain hour or keep the volume low in common areas.
Pay attention to their work or school schedule, too. If they have early morning classes but you like to host late-night study groups, there could be some conflicts around sleep schedules and shared spaces.
9. How do you feel about decorating and personalizing shared spaces?
Decorating shared spaces can be a fun way to make your apartment feel like home, but it can also lead to disputes if you have different tastes or expectations. A good way to broach the subject is to say, “I’m curious about your decorating style. How do you like to personalize shared spaces with roommates?”
If they’re minimalists who prefer bare walls and clean lines, but you’re all about bold colors and cozy clutter, you may need to compromise. Maybe you agree to keep common areas neutral and save the personalization for your bedrooms.
Consider setting a budget for shared decorations and furniture, too. If one person splurges on a fancy couch without consulting the other, it could breed resentment.
10. Is there anything else I should know about living with you?
Even after covering all the bases, there may be some quirks or preferences that don’t come up organically in conversation. That’s why it’s always good to end with an open-ended question like, “Is there anything else you think I should know about living with you?”
Maybe they have a severe allergy to peanuts, or they practice an obscure musical instrument for hours on end. Maybe they have a pet snake or a collection of creepy dolls. Whatever it is, it’s better to know upfront than to be caught off guard later.
This is also a good opportunity for you to share any dealbreakers or non-negotiables, like no smoking indoors or no parties on weeknights. The more honest and upfront you are from the start, the better chance you have of finding a truly compatible roommate.
Conclusion
Choosing the right roommate is no small feat, but by asking these 10 essential questions, you’ll be well on your way to finding your perfect match.
Remember, the key to a successful roommate relationship is open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to compromise.
With a little effort and a lot of honesty, you can create a happy and harmonious home together.