As a child therapist, building trust and rapport with your young clients is essential to helping them open up, share their feelings, and make progress.
But getting kids to talk about what’s really on their minds can be challenging, especially in the beginning.
That’s where knowing the right questions to ask can make all the difference.
In this ultimate guide, we’ll explore 10 powerful, purposeful questions that can help you:
- Establish a caring, non-judgmental relationship
- Encourage kids to share their thoughts and emotions
- Gain valuable insights into their inner world and experiences
- Collaboratively set goals and track therapeutic progress
Vital Questions to Ask Kids in Therapy
So let’s dive in and discover how these carefully crafted questions can be transformative tools in your therapy toolbox, enabling you to better support the children in your care on their path to healing and growth.
1. “If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?”
Asking a child about their desired superpower is a fun, imaginative way to break the ice and get them talking. It allows them to share something positive they wish they could do. You might phrase it like, “I’m curious if you could choose to have any superpower in the world, what superpower would you want to have? And what makes you wish you had that ability?”
Their answer can reveal a lot about how they see themselves, the world around them, and what they value. For example:
- Choosing invisibility could suggest feelings of shyness, not wanting to be seen or stand out. It may reflect a desire to observe without being observed.
- Super strength or invincibility might indicate feeling powerless, small or vulnerable in real life. The child may be facing bullying or difficult circumstances where they wish they were tougher.
- Mind-reading could point to social challenges, a longing to understand and connect with others better. They may feel confused by social cues and wish they could know what others are thinking.
- Flying often symbolizes a desire for freedom, adventure, and escape. The child might feel trapped, overwhelmed or stifled in some area of life.
As you explore their chosen superpower together, be curious about the need or want it represents. Validate their underlying feelings and gently probe further to understand the real-life situations those feelings link to. This imaginative chat can be a portal into important themes to address in therapy.
2. “What do you like most about yourself?”
In a culture that often emphasizes inadequacy and comparison, children must develop a healthy sense of self-worth. Asking a child what they appreciate about themselves encourages them to identify and verbalize their strengths. You could say something like, “Every person has special qualities that make them awesome. When you think about yourself, what are some things you like and feel good about?”
If they struggle to answer, you can offer some prompts. Suggest they consider not just talents and achievements, but also values and character traits like kindness, creativity, persistence or humor. If needed, remind them that we all have worth inherent in being human.
Their response provides insight into their self-image and confidence. Strong self-esteem is a key protective factor for mental health. On the other hand, difficulty naming positive attributes or pervasive negative self-talk can be red flags for low self-worth, shame, anxiety, or depression.
Work on helping the child internalize their positive qualities through repetition and affirmation. Encourage them to collect evidence of their strengths and review it often. Make strengthening their self-concept an ongoing therapeutic goal.
You can also ask what they appreciate about family members and peers to assess the quality of their attachments. Noticing the good in others and receiving positive reflection helps kids feel seen, accepted and valued. Model this yourself by regularly articulating what you admire and enjoy about the child.
3. “If you had a magic wand, what would you change in your life right now?”
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just wave a wand and make our problems disappear? While that’s sadly not possible, this question lets children share what they’re struggling with and wish was different. You might ask, “Let’s pretend for a moment that you have a magic wand that can change anything. If you could use it right now, what would you want to change in your life or the world?”
Answers to this question can point to areas of distress, dissatisfaction, or difficulty that may need to be addressed in therapy. For example:
- Changing family dynamics like conflict between parents or siblings could indicate a turbulent home environment and the need for improved communication and boundaries.
- Wishing for more friends may reflect loneliness, social isolation, or difficulty connecting with peers. Social skills training could be helpful.
- Wanting to change their body, looks, or abilities might suggest poor self-image and self-acceptance. Building self-esteem and body positivity may be treatment targets.
- Wishing for someone’s behavior toward them to be different could point to bullying or mistreatment that needs intervention.
- Yearning to bring back a lost loved one may indicate unresolved grief and a need for support in processing loss.
Make note of the areas the child would magically change. In future sessions, collaborate on realistic goals and coping strategies to help shrink their problems down to a manageable size. Of course, validate that some circumstances are beyond their control to change. Focus on altering their response to these situations and guide them in accepting difficult realities with self-compassion.
4. “When do you feel safest and most loved?”
As you build a trusting therapeutic relationship, it’s important to learn about the child’s support system and sources of security. You might gently inquire, “I’m wondering, can you tell me about times and places in your life when you feel safe and loved? Where or with whom do you feel the most cared for?”
Ideally, their response should include nurturing experiences with primary attachment figures like parents and other consistent caregivers. Citing specific memories of affection, comfort, and protection from loved ones is a positive sign. Examples might be snuggling with a parent at bedtime, eating family meals together, or having a calming ritual when upset.
However, some children may have difficulty identifying times they feel safe and loved. They might experience neglect or maltreatment at home. Some may seek safety in solitude or objects rather than people.
Pay attention to any red flags that secure attachment is lacking. Work on helping caregivers provide consistent affection, responsiveness, and emotional attunement. Teach parents to create daily moments of connecting and comforting as well as model emotional regulation.
In therapy, aim to become a reliable source of safety and care for yourself. Create a comforting environment and use a warm, soothing tone. Offer compassion and validation frequently. Convey that your office is a confidential space where all feelings are allowed. Be patient and accepting if trust is slow to build at first. With time and stability, the therapy relationship can become a secure base from which the child explores and grows.
5. “What’s something you feel worried or scared about?”
For children to process difficult emotions, they first need to be able to identify and express them. Asking about fears and worries shows that it’s okay to talk about hard things in therapy. You could say, “Sometimes things happen that make us feel scared or worried. Do you have any worries or fears that you’d like to share with me? I’m here to listen and help.”
Common childhood fears include things like the dark, monsters, storms, separations, doctors/shots, failure, and social judgment. More serious anxieties may center around family instability, parental mental health or substance abuse, economic insecurity, racism, school shootings, or global crises.
Normalize that everyone feels scared sometimes and that our minds and bodies react automatically to perceived threats. At the same time, validate how uncomfortable and distressing anxiety can feel. Offer coping tools like deep breathing, relaxation strategies, reality testing, and positive self-talk to calm the fight-flight-freeze response.
With practice, we can learn to face our fears gradually and tolerate discomfort rather than always avoiding triggers. Guide the child in setting small, achievable bravery goals and celebrate their progress in expanding their comfort zone.
For worries about things beyond their control, support acceptance and focus on what’s within their influence. Limit excessive media exposure to disasters and empower them to make a positive difference where they can. Strengthen their resilience with ample love, healthy routines, open communication, and reminders of their inherent wholeness.
6. “If your feelings were the weather, what kind of weather would they be today?”
Many kids struggle to label their emotions, especially when they feel chaotic and changing. Using the weather as a metaphor makes identifying feelings more concrete and intuitive. You might say, “Our feelings can be like the weather – always changing and sometimes stormy. If your feelings today were a weather report, what would it say? Maybe sunny, partly cloudy, rainy or windy?”
A child in a calm, content mood might say it’s “sunny and warm.” One feeling down or depleted may describe their emotional weather as “rainy and cold.” A kid who is restless, anxious, or overstimulated could say there are “strong winds.”
This gives you a quick read on their current emotional state and whether it’s relatively settled or turbulent. Ask why they chose that weather and what happened to shift the “winds” in that direction. Use their metaphor to explore factors that influence their internal atmosphere. What makes the clouds roll in or the skies clear? How can they take care of themselves in different emotional weather conditions?
Develop a scale together that maps different feeling states to different weather patterns. Use it as a regular check-in at the start of sessions so the child gains emotional literacy. Over time, they’ll get better at identifying and communicating their feelings.
When their emotions are stormy or unsettled, validate that it’s temporary. Remind them that “this too shall pass” and they won’t feel this way forever. Help them make a coping plan for different types of difficult emotional weather so they can better ride out the rough patches.
7. “Who is someone you feel completely comfortable being yourself around?”
Healthy relationships are vital to children’s development and well-being. Feeling seen, accepted, and loved for who we truly are is the foundation of secure attachment and positive identity formation. You could ask, “We all need people in our lives who totally ‘get’ us and love us just as we are. Who is someone you feel 100% comfortable and accepted with, where you can be your full self?”
Ideally, the child should be able to name at least one person, whether a parent, grandparent, sibling, friend, teacher or mentor. Ask what it is about that relationship that allows them to feel so at ease and accepted. They might mention things like:
- The person is warm, affectionate and attentive
- They can share anything without being judged
- Their thoughts and feelings are validated
- They engage in mutually enjoyable activities together
- Conflicts are resolved calmly and respectfully
- They feel supported in pursuing their interests and goals
Notice the key ingredients that help the child feel safe and seen in this relationship. Explore how these elements could be strengthened in their other connections as well. If a child has difficulty naming anyone they feel fully comfortable with, this is important to address.
Humans are wired for connection and belonging. A lack of secure, accepting relationships can contribute to problems like low self-worth, social anxiety, depression and acting out. In therapy, focus on building social skills, communication tools and self-acceptance. Help parents and teachers create an environment of unconditional positive regard.
You can also be that attuned, affirming presence for the child. Therapy itself is a laboratory for trying out new ways of relating. By receiving empathy and authenticity from you, the child can internalize a sense that they are worthy of care and learn to extend compassion to themselves and others.
8. “What is something you feel proud of yourself for?”
In a world that often focuses more on what kids are doing “wrong” than “right,” it’s crucial to help children notice and celebrate their accomplishments and growth. You might say, “I’m curious, what is something you’ve done or overcome that you feel really proud of yourself for? No achievement is too small – I want to know what you see as a personal win.”
If they falter, offer some prompts. Maybe they worked hard to master a new skill, helped someone in need, bounced back from a disappointment, conquered a fear, or solved a tricky problem. Let them know that building positive character traits like kindness, integrity, and persistence is just as significant as outward success.
Try to elicit a specific story with sensory details so the positive experience comes alive and crystallizes in their memory. What did they see, hear, and feel in their body? Encourage them to visualize their accomplishment like a mental movie they can replay in challenging times.
Remind them to appreciate and encourage themselves the way a loving coach would. Teach them to catch and change harshly self-critical thoughts. Celebrate their inevitable stumbles as part of the learning process and evidence of the courage to try. Praise their effort more than the outcome.
With practice, the child will get better at self-validating and cheering themselves on. Be a role model by acknowledging your humanness and growth. Talk about what you’re working on and how you lovingly coach yourself through struggles. Make your sessions a regular highlight reel where you notice and name the child’s positive actions and attributes.
9. “What’s the biggest feeling you’re having a hard time with right now?”
To help kids process big emotions, we first need to help them name the feelings that are causing them distress. You might gently say, “I’ve noticed you seem to be struggling with some difficult feelings lately. Sometimes we bottle up big emotions because they’re uncomfortable, but that can make them grow and cause us more pain. If you could put words to the main feeling that’s weighing on you right now, what would you call it?”
Common feeling words they might use include sad, angry, scared, ashamed, guilty, jealous, lonely, or overwhelmed. If they have trouble labeling it, show them a feelings chart and ask them to point to the one that most closely matches their current emotional state.
Emphasize that all feelings are valid and welcome, even the messy ones. Remind them that emotions are temporary, not a permanent part of who they are. Show them how to sit with their feeling curiously, like a scientist taking notes with friendly interest:
- Where do they feel it in their body? What physical sensations arise?
- What happened just before this feeling bubbled up? What seems to trigger it?
- Does this feeling remind them of other times they’ve felt this way? When else have they wrestled with this emotion?
- What stories or beliefs are fueling this feeling? Are they wholly true or is the feeling coloring their perception?
- What does this feeling need to settle or move through them? A hug, some movement, journaling, a walk in nature?
Teach the child to notice and name their emotions without judgment. Speak to their feelings with compassion, like a wise, nurturing teacher. Remind them that feelings are messages with lessons to teach us, not enemies to fight.
Help them develop a repertoire of healthy coping tools to comfort and calm big feelings. Things like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, positive self-talk, art, music, and connecting with loved ones can all help emotions settle.
Ultimately, we want to help kids learn to tune into, tolerate, and surf their feeling waves rather than resisting or drowning in them. Let them know that with time and practice, this too shall pass. You’ll be there to throw them a lifeline when they need it.
10. “What’s one thing you wish grown-ups understood better about being a kid?”
Children often feel misunderstood or that their struggles are minimized by adults. It’s important to give them space in therapy to voice their unique experiences and developmental needs. You might ask, “I’m wondering if there are things about being a kid that you wish grown-ups ‘got’ better – things that are hard or important to you that you feel adults sometimes miss or don’t take as seriously as you need them to. What’s one key thing you wish the adult world understood about children’s lives?”
Their answer could relate to a range of issues like:
- Navigating complex social and academic pressures at school
- Dealing with physical, cognitive, and emotional changes that come with the development
- Craving more autonomy and choice as they grow
- Feeling the impact of major stressors like divorce, moves, illness, losses
- Desiring closeness and support even as they push for more independence
- Needing ample rest, play, and offline time in our fast-paced digital world
Let the child know their concerns are valid and not silly or trivial. Thank them for giving you a window into their world and trusting you with their perspective. Acknowledge that you don’t fully know what it’s like to walk in their shoes, but you’re invested in learning and understanding the best you can.
Explore ways you can partner with parents and teachers to better honor the child’s experience and respond to their needs. Maybe it’s advocating for more unstructured play time, facilitating emotional check-ins, adjusting academic expectations, or finding one-on-one connecting activities.
You can empower the child to express their needs and viewpoints to safe adults using “I feel” statements. Do some role plays where they practice asserting themselves calmly and clearly. Help them identify their allies and supports.
By deeply listening to the child’s perspective, you show them that their voice matters and plant seeds of self-advocacy. You may not be able to change their circumstances or take away their pain, but you can
walk alongside them with empathy and acceptance as they navigate the challenges of growing up. You can be a safe harbor where they feel heard, validated, and supported in becoming their fullest selves.
Conclusion
As a child therapist, the questions you ask can be keys that unlock the door to connection, healing, and growth.
By flexing your curiosity and creativity, you can craft inquiries that help children feel seen, safe, and supported in exploring their inner worlds.
Remember, the therapeutic relationship is the foundation upon which all interventions are built.
When kids feel genuinely accepted and understood by you, they’ll be much more open to learning coping skills and new ways of relating to your model.
Trust and emotional safety are prerequisites for them to take risks and try out different ways of being.
So use these 10 vital questions as springboards for deeper discovery and attunement.
Weave them into your sessions naturally, following the child’s lead and respecting their readiness.
As you do, you’ll be planting seeds of resilience, self-compassion, and security that will continue to grow and blossom throughout their lives.