Do you sometimes wonder what people really think about you?
Asking for honest feedback can feel awkward or even scary.
But getting an outside perspective is hugely valuable for your personal growth and relationships.
In this ultimate guide, you’ll discover:
- The 10 most insightful questions to ask people about yourself
- How to bring up these topics naturally in conversation
- What their responses can reveal about how you come across
- Constructive ways to act on the feedback you receive
Important Questions to Ask People About Yourself
Asking these questions requires some vulnerability.
But the self-awareness you’ll gain is well worth it.
So let’s dive in and explore how to see yourself through others’ eyes!
1. “What’s your first impression of me?”
First impressions aren’t everything, but they still carry a lot of weight. Asking about someone’s initial reaction to meeting you can uncover how you come across right off the bat.
Try casually bringing this up after you’ve known the person for a little while. For example: “I’m always curious to hear people’s first impressions. What was yours when we met?” Keep your tone light and friendly so they feel comfortable sharing honestly.
Their response will likely touch on your appearance, body language, and communication style. Maybe they’ll say you seemed confident and outgoing, or perhaps more reserved and hard to read at first. Whatever they share, avoid getting defensive. Remember, you asked for their genuine opinion.
If they mention a positive trait, great! You can feel good knowing that’s how you come across. If it’s a more negative first impression, consider it useful intel. Ask yourself if it aligns with how you want to present yourself. Moving forward, you could make an effort to smile more, make eye contact, or draw people out with questions if you want to seem more warm and approachable.
2. “How would you describe me in three words?”
It’s enlightening to hear someone distill their perception of you into a few key words. Their response is usually very telling of your most prominent traits and the overall vibe you give off.
You could bring this up as a fun conversation starter, like “Here’s a random question – how would you describe me in just three words?” Asking them to pick only a few words forces them to share what really stands out about you.
As you hear their reply, pay attention to the types of words they use. Are they mostly positive, like “kind,” “clever,” and “adventurous”? More neutral, like “quiet,” “intense,” or “particular”? Or even critical, like “blunt” or “aloof”? Their word choice says a lot about the primary traits you project.
Traits that multiple people mention are likely core to how you’re perceived. If you dislike something that comes up over and over (like being called “intimidating”), you can consciously work on conveying more friendliness and approachability. And if you hear a surprising descriptor, dig deeper. Ask what makes them say that so you can better understand the impression you make.
3. “What do you think my strongest qualities are?”
It’s affirming and instructive to know what people see as your greatest strengths. Their answer reveals what they value most about you and hints at ways you can harness your best traits.
To naturally segue into this, you might say something like “I’ve been working on developing myself lately. I’m curious, what would you say my top strengths are?” An open-ended question invites them to share a range of positive qualities they’ve noticed.
As they share the talents, skills, and traits they admire, consider how you can apply them more intentionally. For example, if your listening skills come up frequently, could you seek out more opportunities to support friends one-on-one? If your writing ability is praised, maybe it’s time to start that blog you’ve been contemplating.
If you’re surprised by a strength they named, ask for an example of when they’ve seen you demonstrate that. Digging into the specifics helps you identify instances when you’re at your best. The goal is to own and cultivate your natural gifts so you can use them to thrive and help others.
4. “What do you think I could improve on?”
This is perhaps the hardest question to ask, but also the most valuable. Constructive criticism from others teaches you where you have room to grow and how to level up your skills and relationships.
Asking for feedback on your weaknesses requires vulnerability and trust. Broach the topic gently with someone you’re close to, like “I’m trying to identify areas I could work on. What’s something you think I could improve or do differently?” Emphasize that you welcome their candor and honesty.
As you listen, manage your emotional reaction. It’s normal to feel defensive or embarrassed about perceived “flaws,” but avoid arguing or shutting down. Remember, they’re sharing these points because you asked and they care enough to be truthful.
Treat their feedback as a gift. It reveals blind spots you may not have recognized on your own. For example, if they say you could be a better listener, commit to putting away distractions and focus wholly on the person you’re talking to. Or if they point out that you tend to run late, make a conscious effort to honor people’s time by showing up when you say you will.
5. “What do you think I’m most passionate about?”
Asking about your passions is a fascinating way to see what lights you up in others’ eyes. Their answers clue you into the interests and causes that you express most enthusiastically.
Look for an opportunity to ask this when you’re discussing careers, hobbies, or aspirations. You might say “I’m always curious what people pick up on. What would you say I seem passionate about?” Inviting them to share their observations makes space for an illuminating discussion.
As they describe what they’ve noticed, think about whether it rings true for you. Maybe they’ve picked up on how you light up when discussing volunteer work or geeking out about your record collection. Hearing an outside perspective can confirm you’re conveying what matters to you.
If their response doesn’t resonate, it’s worthwhile to ponder why. Perhaps there’s a passion you hold privately but haven’t expressed openly. Or maybe you haven’t been investing as much time and energy into your interests as you’d like. Use this chat as a reminder to actively prioritize what brings you joy and meaning.
6. “What accomplishments of mine have you been most impressed by?”
Hearing about your greatest hits from someone else is a lovely reminder of how far you’ve come. Their response reflects the successes and milestones that have wowed them most.
Find a time to casually ask something like “We’ve known each other a while now. What’s something I’ve done that you found really impressive?” Keeping it broad invites them to share achievements that stood out to them.
They might bring up professional wins you’ve shared, like nailing a big presentation or hitting an ambitious goal. Or they may point to personal triumphs, like running a marathon or throwing an epic surprise birthday party.
Allow yourself to savor the wins they mention. It’s not egotistical to feel good about what you’ve achieved! Asking this question is a great exercise in acknowledging how your dedication has paid off and resonated with others.
Talking about your peak moments also generates ideas for where to channel your time and talents in the future. Do you light up when they bring up your photography hobby? Could you find ways to pursue that passion more seriously? Reflecting on your most impressive feats hints at where you excel and how to keep playing to your strengths.
7. “What do you think I struggle with or worry about the most?”
Getting an outside view of your pain points is hugely eye-opening. This question prompts people to share the fears and challenges they sense weigh on you.
Since this is a heavier topic, bring it up with someone you feel at ease being vulnerable with. You could gently say “I’ve been reflecting on my struggles lately. What do you perceive I worry about most?” Clarifying it’s about their perception keeps it less intense than asking what you’re insecure about outright.
As they open up about the internal battles they believe you face, take note of anything that hits home. Maybe they talk about your desire to prove yourself at work or your fear of ending up alone. Not everything they say will be spot-on, but some parts will likely resonate strongly.
Consider their insight a chance for self-reflection. Fears often hide in your blind spots, holding you back without you realizing it. Once you’re aware of them, you can work on confronting them more directly. For example, if they bring up relationship anxiety, you might examine past patterns and proactively work on building self-worth outside your relationship.
8. “What do you wish you knew more about me?”
Everyone has different sides of themselves that they reveal to the world. Asking what someone wants to learn about you shows where you could open up more. Their curiosity suggests areas they’d love to connect over.
There are many ways to approach this. While catching up with a friend, you might ask “After all this time, what do you wish you knew more about me?” If you’re on a date, you could playfully ask “What are you most curious about when it comes to me?” Tailor your phrasing to the situation and vibe.
As they share what they’re eager to discover, take it as a cue to gradually share more about those topics. For example, if they want to learn about your upbringing, you could open up about meaningful childhood memories and how they shaped you. Or if they’re curious about your creative process, walk them through how you approach a project sometime.
Expressing vulnerability helps others feel closer to you. It’s how you deepen intimacy and trust in relationships. Of course, only share what you feel comfortable with at a pace that feels right. Think of their interest as a guide for areas you could bond over as your connection grows.
9. “How do you think others perceive me?”
While one person’s perspective is revealing, getting their read on your general reputation is next level. It’s a chance to understand your overall image and the way you’re described when you’re not around.
This can be a tricky topic to raise, so lead into it delicately. For example, while exchanging gossip with a trusted friend, you might ask “I’m so curious how I come up in conversations. How do you think our mutual friends perceive me?” Keep it casual and frame it as a genuine curiosity rather than seeking reassurance.
As they share, aim to listen without overanalyzing. They may have noticed people praising your humor and warmth, or mentioning less flattering traits like self-centeredness. Again, their perception is not the full picture, but it can still be valuable to know.
If you dislike something about your supposed image, brainstorm small ways to shift it. For example, if you’re described as flaky, challenge yourself to follow through more consistently on plans. But if they say great things, enjoy the positive affirmation. Being well-liked and respected is a sign you’re doing plenty right.
10. “How have I grown or changed in the time you’ve known me?”
Getting a long-view perspective on your journey is affirming and enlightening. Asking someone to reflect on your evolution over time reveals the transformation they’ve witnessed.
This question is perfect for checking in with an old friend or family member. You might say something like “We’ve been in each others’ lives so long. I’d love your take on how I’ve grown over the years.” Prompt them to share both positive changes and areas where you’re still developing.
As they look back on your history together, their observations may surprise you. Perhaps they’ll comment on how you’ve become more confident and self-assured, or note how your priorities have shifted. They can remind you of challenges you’ve overcome and old patterns you’ve broken.
Hearing how far you’ve come is a powerful reminder that you’re constantly evolving. Use their reflection as a chance to celebrate the ways you’ve matured and to recommit to your growth. After all, change is a lifelong process. Regularly checking in on your trajectory helps you stay true to your values and vision.
The takeaway
Getting an outside view of yourself is a powerful growth tool.
Asking these questions to people you trust yields valuable feedback on how you come across, highlights your greatest strengths, and illuminates your opportunities for improvement.
Of course, self-reflection is ultimately an inside job.
No one else has the full story of who you are and what makes you tick.
But gathering outside perspectives gives you a more complete and nuanced sense of self.
These insights act as a mirror, guiding you to become the person you want to be.
The most important thing is to stay open and curious. Don’t self-flagellate over any criticism or perceived shortcomings.
Instead, focus on the people and activities that make you feel like your best self.
As the saying goes, what you feed grows.
Nurture your talents, values, and relationships.
And always look for opportunities to evolve into your highest self.