Divorce is one of life’s most stressful and emotionally draining experiences.
Amidst the turmoil of a crumbling marriage, you’re faced with navigating a complex legal process that will shape your financial future and impact your relationship with your children for years to come.
That’s why it’s crucial to find the right divorce lawyer to guide you through this difficult time.
But with so many attorneys out there, how do you choose?
Asking the right questions during your initial consultation can help you find a lawyer who is not only skilled and experienced but also a good fit for your unique needs and goals.
Questions to Ask a Divorce Lawyer
Before you hire a divorce attorney, set up consultations with a few different lawyers to find the one that’s the best match for you. During these meetings, come prepared with a list of important questions that will give you insight into the lawyer’s experience, approach, and personality.
1. How long have you been practicing family law?
Experience matters when it comes to something as consequential as a divorce. You want a lawyer who has been around the block a few times and knows the ins and outs of family law in your state.
Try asking something like, “Can you tell me a bit about your background and how long you’ve been focusing on divorce cases?” This will give you a sense of their level of expertise without putting them on the spot.
If they’re relatively new to family law, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not up to the task. But you’ll want to dig a little deeper into their qualifications and track record.
On the other hand, if they’ve been practicing for decades, ask about some of the most challenging cases they’ve handled and how they approached those situations. Look for someone who demonstrates creative problem-solving skills and the ability to think on their feet.
Ultimately, you want a lawyer who has extensive experience with cases similar to yours in terms of complexity, financial stakes, and child custody issues. The more familiar they are with the specific challenges you’re facing, the better equipped they’ll be to represent your interests.
2. What is your approach to handling divorce cases?
Every lawyer has their style and philosophy when it comes to handling divorces. Some are aggressive and adversarial, while others favor a more collaborative, settlement-oriented approach. There’s no one-size-fits-all strategy, so it’s important to find an attorney whose approach aligns with your goals and values.
Consider saying something like, “In your experience, what tends to be the most effective way to resolve divorce cases?” This open-ended question will give them an opportunity to share their perspective and preferred tactics.
If they lean heavily toward litigation and court battles, but you’re hoping to reach an amicable settlement, that could be a red flag. On the flip side, if they seem reluctant to fight for your rights when necessary, that’s also cause for concern.
Ideally, you want a lawyer who has the skills and willingness to pursue negotiation and mediation where possible, but who also has the chops to advocate fiercely on your behalf in court if needed. Look for someone strategic, pragmatic, and focused on achieving your objectives as efficiently and effectively as possible.
Pay attention to how they talk about their past cases and clients. Do they seem to have a “scorched earth” mentality, or are they more interested in finding creative solutions that benefit everyone involved? The latter is usually a better bet, both for your wallet and your peace of mind.
3. How will you communicate with me throughout the process?
Divorce is a time of great uncertainty and anxiety, so it’s essential to have an attorney who keeps you informed and responds promptly to your questions and concerns. Poor communication is one of the most common complaints people have about their lawyers, so this is an area where you want to do your due diligence.
Try asking, “What’s your communication style with clients, and how often can I expect to hear from you about my case?” This shows that you value responsiveness and want to establish clear expectations from the outset.
Some lawyers are very hands-on and will touch base with you weekly or even daily during key phases of the process. Others take a more minimalist approach and only reach out when there are significant developments or decisions to be made.
Neither style is inherently better, but you need to find a lawyer whose communication preferences match your own. If you’re the type of person who will be riddled with anxiety without regular updates, a less communicative attorney probably isn’t the best fit.
In addition to frequency, pay attention to the modes of communication they use. Do they prefer phone calls, emails, texts, or in-person meetings? Are they available after hours for urgent matters, or do they stick to strict business hours?
Make sure you’re comfortable with their communication methods and that they’re willing to adapt to your needs to some extent. You shouldn’t have to chase down your lawyer for basic information or updates on your case.
4. How will you involve me in decision-making?
Divorce isn’t something that happens TO you – it’s a process that you need to actively participate in. While your lawyer will handle the legal heavy lifting, you’ll still need to make a lot of important decisions along the way, from how to divide assets to where your kids will spend the holidays.
Consider asking, “What’s your philosophy on client involvement, and how will you help me weigh my options at key decision points?” This demonstrates that you want to be an engaged and informed partner in the process.
Some attorneys take a very directive approach and tell their clients what to do. While this may be appropriate in certain high-stakes situations, it can also leave you feeling disempowered and out of the loop.
Other lawyers go to the opposite extreme and simply present a menu of options without any real guidance or input. This can be overwhelming, especially if you’re not well-versed in legal matters.
The sweet spot is usually somewhere in the middle – a lawyer who educates you about your rights and options, offers strategic advice based on their experience but ultimately empowers you to make decisions that align with your priorities.
Pay attention to how they talk about past cases and clients. Do they see themselves as the sole decision-maker, or do they emphasize collaboration and client autonomy? Do they seem to tailor their approach to each situation, or do they have a one-size-fits-all mentality?
You want a lawyer who respects your perspective, takes the time to understand your goals, and helps you make informed choices every step of the way. Divorce is an intensely personal journey, and you need an attorney who honors that.
5. How do you typically handle disputes over child custody?
If you have children, their well-being is likely your top priority in the divorce. But unfortunately, custody battles are often the most contentious and emotionally charged aspect of the process. You need a lawyer who knows how to navigate these choppy waters with skill, sensitivity, and a steadfast focus on your kids’ best interests.
Try saying something like, “My children are my biggest concern in all of this. What’s your approach to handling custody disputes, and how will you help me create a parenting plan that works for my family?” This conveys that you’re a devoted parent who wants to minimize the impact of the divorce on your kids.
Some lawyers take a very aggressive stance on custody issues and immediately start gearing up for a court battle. While this may be necessary in cases involving abuse, neglect, or parental unfitness, it can also backfire and create more conflict and upheaval for your children.
Other attorneys lean hard in the other direction and pressure their clients to agree to custody arrangements that aren’t in their kids’ best interests, just to avoid a fight. This is also problematic, as it can lead to unworkable parenting plans and sow the seeds for future disputes.
What you want is a lawyer who takes a child-centered approach, one that prioritizes your kids’ needs and well-being above all else. This means being willing to stand up for your parental rights when necessary, but also being open to compromise and creative problem-solving in the interest of stability and continuity for your children.
Ask about their experience handling custody cases similar to yours. Do they seem knowledgeable about the developmental stages of children and how different parenting arrangements may impact them? Are they familiar with alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation and collaborative law?
Look for a lawyer who is both empathetic and assertive, someone who will be a strong advocate for you and your kids, but who also understands the emotional dynamics at play. Custody battles can be brutal, but the right attorney can help you navigate them with grace and integrity.
6. What are your fees and billing practices?
Let’s face it – divorce is expensive. Attorney fees can quickly eat up a significant chunk of your assets, leaving you with less to start your new life. While you don’t want to skimp on legal representation, you also need to be smart about how you spend your money.
Consider asking, “Can you walk me through your fee structure and billing process? I want to make sure I have a clear understanding of the costs involved.” This shows that you’re financially savvy and want to avoid any unpleasant surprises down the road.
Some lawyers charge by the hour, with rates that can range from a few hundred to over a thousand dollars per hour. Others offer flat fees for specific services or unbundled options that allow you to handle some aspects of the case yourself.
There’s no one right answer, but you need to find a fee structure that works for your budget and gives you the level of support you need. If you have a fairly straightforward case, a flat fee or limited scope arrangement may be the most cost-effective option. If you have a high-conflict or complex situation, paying for more extensive representation may be worth the investment.
In addition to the fee structure, ask about billing practices. How often will you receive invoices? What kind of detail will they include? Will you be billed for emails, phone calls, and other forms of communication?
You should also ask about retainers, which are upfront payments that the lawyer holds in trust and bills against as they work on your case. Find out how much the initial retainer is, what happens if it runs out, and whether any unused funds will be refunded to you.
Don’t be shy about negotiating fees or asking for a payment plan if you need one. Many lawyers are willing to work with clients to find a mutually agreeable arrangement. Just be sure to get any special arrangements in writing to avoid misunderstandings later on.
7. How long do you think my case will take to resolve?
The timeline of a divorce case can vary widely depending on the complexity of the issues, the level of conflict between the parties, and the court’s schedule. Some cases are settled in a matter of months, while others can drag on for years.
Try saying something like, “Based on what you know about my situation, what’s your ballpark estimate for how long it will take to finalize the divorce?” This acknowledges that there are many variables at play, but still gives you a general sense of the timeline you’re looking at.
Of course, no lawyer can give you an exact end date, as there are too many unpredictable factors involved. However an experienced attorney should be able to provide a rough range based on past cases and their understanding of your specific circumstances.
If they hedge or refuse to give any estimate at all, that could be a red flag. While you don’t want false promises, you do want a lawyer who is transparent and communicative about what to expect.
On the other hand, if they give you a very specific or overly optimistic timeline without fully understanding your case, that’s also concerning. Divorce is rarely a quick or easy process, and you want an attorney who will give you realistic expectations upfront.
As you discuss the potential timeline, ask about the factors that could impact the duration of your case. Are there any complex financial issues or disputes over property division? Are child custody and support likely to be contentious? Will expert witnesses or extensive discovery be required?
The more you understand the potential roadblocks and time-sucks in your case, the better prepared you’ll be to make strategic decisions along the way. Your lawyer should be able to explain these issues in plain language and help you weigh the costs and benefits of different approaches.
8. What are the likely outcomes of my case?
This is perhaps the most important question of all, but also the hardest for a lawyer to answer with certainty. No attorney can guarantee a specific result, as there are simply too many variables at play in a divorce case.
However, an experienced lawyer should be able to give you a range of likely scenarios based on the facts of your case and their knowledge of the local court system. They should also be able to explain the legal principles and precedents that will shape the outcome.
Try asking something like, “Based on your experience with cases like mine, what do you think are the most likely outcomes we can expect?” This shows that you’re realistic and understand that there are no sure bets in divorce.
A good lawyer will give you a candid assessment of your case’s strengths and weaknesses, as well as the potential risks and rewards of different strategies. They should be able to explain the best-case, worst-case, and most likely scenarios for property division, alimony, child custody, and other key issues.
Be wary of any attorney who makes blanket promises or guarantees a particular outcome. While it’s tempting to believe that your case is a slam dunk, the reality is that divorce is full of twists and turns, and even the most skilled lawyers can’t control every variable.
On the other hand, if a lawyer seems overly pessimistic or defeatist about your case, that’s also a red flag. You want someone who will fight for your rights and interests, not someone who will roll over at the first sign of resistance.
As you discuss potential outcomes, ask about the lawyer’s negotiation and trial skills. How often do they settle cases out of court? What’s their track record in litigation? What strategies have they used successfully in the past to achieve their clients’ goals?
The answers to these questions will give you a sense of the lawyer’s style and approach, as well as their ability to adapt to changing circumstances. Remember, divorce is a dynamic process, and you need an attorney who can think on their feet and pivot when necessary.
9. What sets you apart from other divorce lawyers?
This is your chance to get a sense of the lawyer’s unique selling proposition. What makes them stand out in a crowded field of divorce attorneys? Why should you choose them over someone else?
Try asking, “In your opinion, what are the qualities that make a great divorce lawyer, and how do you embody those qualities in your practice?” This question invites the lawyer to reflect on their strengths and values, and how they translate into tangible benefits for their clients.
Some lawyers may emphasize their years of experience or their track record of success in court. Others may highlight their compassionate approach or their commitment to client service. Still, others may focus on their creative problem-solving skills or their ability to think outside the box.
There’s no one right answer, but you want to look for qualities that resonate with your priorities and values. If you’re looking for a shark who will stop at nothing to win, a lawyer who emphasizes mediation and collaboration may not be the best fit. On the other hand, if you want to minimize conflict and preserve your co-parenting relationship, an attorney with a more conciliatory style may be ideal.
Pay attention to how the lawyer talks about their clients and their approach to the law. Do they seem genuinely passionate about helping people through difficult times? Do they have a strong sense of ethics and a commitment to doing what’s right? Do they take a holistic view of their clients’ lives and needs?
You want a lawyer who sees you as a whole person, not just a case number or a paycheck. You want someone who will take the time to understand your unique situation and tailor their approach accordingly. And you want someone who will be a steadfast advocate and a trusted advisor throughout the process.
10. What do you need from me to get started?
Finally, it’s important to understand your role and responsibilities in the divorce process. Your lawyer will handle the legal aspects of the case, but they’ll need your input and cooperation to do their job effectively.
Consider asking, “What information and documents do you need from me to get the ball rolling, and what can I expect in terms of ongoing involvement in the case?” This shows that you’re proactive and ready to do your part to move things forward.
At a minimum, your lawyer will likely need some basic background information about your marriage, your finances, and your children (if any). They may ask you to fill out a questionnaire or provide documentation such as tax returns, bank statements, and property deeds.
They’ll also need to know about any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements, as well as any prior legal proceedings or agreements related to your marriage. If there are any allegations of abuse, infidelity, or substance abuse, your lawyer will need to know about those as well.
Beyond the initial intake, your level of involvement in the case will depend on the specific circumstances and your personal preferences. Some clients prefer to be hands-on and involved in every decision, while others prefer to delegate as much as possible to their attorney.
There’s no right or wrong approach, but you should have a clear understanding of what your lawyer expects from you in terms of communication, decision-making, and cooperation. Will you need to be available for regular meetings or phone calls? Will you need to provide additional documentation or information as the case progresses? Will you need to attend mediation sessions or court hearings?
The more you know about your role and responsibilities upfront, the better prepared you’ll be to navigate the divorce process with confidence and clarity. Your lawyer should be a partner and a guide, but ultimately, it’s your life and your future on the line.
Wrapping Up: Choosing the Right Advocate
Going through a divorce is never easy, but having the right lawyer by your side can make all the difference.
By asking these ten important questions during your initial consultation, you’ll be well on your way to finding an attorney who is not only skilled and experienced but also a good fit for your unique needs and goals.
Remember, your lawyer will be your partner and advocate throughout one of the most challenging chapters of your life.
Take the time to find someone you trust, someone who listens to you, and someone who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Divorce may feel like the end of the world right now, but with the right legal counsel and a commitment to moving forward, you can emerge from this difficult time stronger, wiser, and ready for a brighter future.
The road ahead may be bumpy, but you don’t have to walk it alone.
Choose your advocate wisely, and take that first step toward the next chapter of your life with confidence.