In the digital age, the advent of social media and online forums has given rise to a new challenge in both personal and professional communication: dealing with trolls.
Trolls are individuals who post inflammatory, irrelevant, or off-topic messages in an online community, often with the intent of provoking readers into displaying emotional responses.
For businesses and individuals alike, crafting the right response to such provocations can be a delicate art. The key is to respond in a way that maintains your own dignity and the professionalism of your business, while also perhaps giving the troll a taste of their own medicine—in a humorous and light-hearted way, of course.
Funny Responses to Trolls
Here are 20 witty comebacks that can help you deal with trolls without stooping to their level, maintaining your cool and even getting a laugh in the process.
1. The Cheerful Optimist
“I always admire someone who’s committed to their work, even if it’s trolling. Keep striving for excellence!”
This response disarms the troll by complimenting their dedication, albeit to trolling. It’s a way of acknowledging their effort without giving them the negative attention they seek.
Example:
Troll: “This product probably won’t last a week lol.”
You: “I always admire someone who’s committed to their work, even if it’s trolling. Keep striving for excellence!”
2. The Gracious Host
“Thank you for visiting our page! We hope you find what you’re looking for, even if it’s just some attention.”
Politeness can be a troll’s kryptonite. This response thanks them for their visit, subtly hinting that their trolling is a bid for attention.
Example:
Troll: “Is this the best you can do? Sad!”
You: “Thank you for visiting our page! We hope you find what you’re looking for, even if it’s just some attention.”
3. The Zen Master
“We appreciate your perspective. It’s important to have balance, and your unique viewpoint helps us appreciate the positive comments even more.”
This response suggests that the troll’s negative comment has inadvertently made the positive ones stand out, which can be a gentle reminder that their negativity is actually serving a positive purpose.
Example:
Troll: “Wow, another pointless post.”
You: “We appreciate your perspective. It’s important to have balance, and your unique viewpoint helps us appreciate the positive comments even more.”
4. The Inquisitive Mind
“Interesting take! How long did it take you to come up with that one?”
By questioning the effort behind the troll’s comment, you’re lightly mocking the thought they put into their trolling, implying it’s a crafted skill they’ve taken time to develop.
Example:
Troll: “LOL, did a child design this?”
You: “Interesting take! How long did it take you to come up with that one?”
5. The Blissfully Unaware
“Oh, is this a game? I love games! Your score for creativity: 8/10. Your score for originality: 2/10. Better luck next time!”
Treating the troll’s comment as part of a game and scoring them can turn their attempt to provoke into a playful exchange.
Example:
Troll: “This looks like it was made by amateurs!”
You: “Oh, is this a game? I love games! Your score for creativity: 8/10. Your score for originality: 2/10. Better luck next time!”
6. The Time Traveler
“We’re so glad you’ve joined us from the 1800s. How’s the future looking from there?”
A response like this suggests that the troll’s comment is outdated, making light of their criticism by placing it in a different era.
Example:
Troll: “No one uses this kind of service anymore.”
You: “We’re so glad you’ve joined us from the 1800s. How’s the future looking from there?”
7. The Concerned Citizen
“We’re sorry to hear you’re not having the best day. We’re sending virtual hugs your way!”
Offering kindness in response to rudeness can be disarming and suggests that their trolling might be a result of them having a bad day, rather than a problem with your post.
Example:
Troll: “This is the dumbest thing I’ve seen all day.”
You: “We’re sorry to hear you’re not having the best day. We’re sending virtual hugs your way!”
8. The Flattered Fan
“Wow, we have fans in the troll community too? We must be doing something right!”
Acknowledging that even trolls are engaging with your content can be a humorous way to show that you’re unfazed by their comments.
Example:
Troll: “Guess you guys don’t have anything better to do than post this junk.”
You: “Wow, we have fans in the troll community too? We must be doing something right!”
9. The Grateful Artist
“Your critique is noted. We’ll add it to our gallery of ‘interesting’ feedback!”
This response treats the troll’s comment as if it were a piece of art criticism, humorously elevating it to a status it doesn’t deserve.
Example:
Troll: “My five-year-old could make a better ad than this.”
You: “Your critique is noted. We’ll add it to our gallery of ‘interesting’ feedback!”
10. The Aspiring Novelist
“And with your comment, our saga continues. Stay tuned for the next chapter of ‘Adventures in Trolling’!”
Turning the trolling into a serialized story can make it seem less like a nuisance and more like an ongoing joke.
Example:
Troll: “Not another one of these posts…”
You: “And with your comment, our saga continues. Stay tuned for the next chapter of ‘Adventures in Trolling’!”
11. The Puzzled Detective
“Hmm, your comment is a real head-scratcher. We’re on the case to decipher it, but in the meantime, can we offer you a clue to a better day?”
By acting as if the troll’s comment is a mystery to be solved, you’re humorously sidestepping the negativity and offering a positive interaction instead.
Example:
Troll: “This service is as useful as a chocolate teapot.”
You: “Hmm, your comment is a real head-scratcher. We’re on the case to decipher it, but in the meantime, can we offer you a clue to a better day?”
12. The Literary Critic
“We’re always open to constructive criticism, but your last comment? It lacked narrative tension and character development. C-.”
Treating the troll’s comment as if it were a piece of literature allows you to critique it in a humorous way that highlights its lack of substance.
Example:
Troll: “Is this supposed to be innovative? Yawn.”
You: “We’re always open to constructive criticism, but your last comment? It lacked narrative tension and character development. C-.”
13. The Unsuspecting Fisherman
“Whoops, looks like I’ve caught a wild troll! Don’t worry, we practice catch and release here.”
This playful response turns the interaction into a fishing expedition, where the troll is nothing more than a fish to be thrown back, suggesting their comments are not being taken too seriously.
Example:
Troll: “I think I lost brain cells reading this.”
You: “Whoops, looks like I’ve caught a wild troll! Don’t worry, we practice catch and release here.”
14. The Confused Chef
“Your recipe for trolling is interesting, but I think it needs a pinch of positivity and a spoonful of facts. Let’s try to cook up something better next time!”
By comparing the troll’s comment to a recipe, you’re implying that their “ingredients” are lacking and could be improved, which can be a humorous way to suggest that their efforts are half-baked.
Example:
Troll: “This post is as bland as unsalted bread.”
You: “Your recipe for trolling is interesting, but I think it needs a pinch of positivity and a spoonful of facts. Let’s try to cook up something better next time!”
15. The Gracious Loser
“And here I was, thinking I had seen everything the internet had to offer. Congratulations on proving me wrong!”
Acknowledging the troll’s comment as something uniquely outlandish can serve as a humorous concession that they have surprised you, while also being a subtle nod to the ridiculousness of their statement.
Example:
Troll: “This is probably the worst thing I’ve seen on the internet.”
You: “And here I was, thinking I had seen everything the internet had to offer. Congratulations on proving me wrong!”
16. The Thrilled Ecologist
“Look at that, we’ve discovered a new species: the Internet Trollus Maximus. Fascinating how it thrives on minimal effort and maximum noise.”
By responding as if you’re a nature documentarian who’s discovered a new species, you can make the interaction feel like a part of an ecological study, humorously trivializing the troll’s behavior.
Example:
Troll: “What a waste of time this is.”
You: “Look at that, we’ve discovered a new species: the Internet Trollus Maximus. Fascinating how it thrives on minimal effort and maximum noise.”
17. The Amused Scribe
“Every hero needs a villain, and every forum needs a troll. Thanks for playing your part to the hilt!”
This response casts the troll as a necessary antagonist in the story of your online community, suggesting that they are playing a role, albeit a villainous one, which is nonetheless part of the larger narrative.
Example:
Troll: “This page is a joke!”
You: “Every hero needs a villain, and every forum needs a troll. Thanks for playing your part to the hilt!”
18. The Encouraging Coach
“Keep it up, you’re almost there! With a bit more practice, your trolling could really lead to some impressive eye-rolls.”
By encouraging the troll as if they were an athlete in training, you’re making light of their attempts to annoy or provoke, suggesting they’re not quite as effective as they might hope to be.
Example:
Troll: “Do people actually get paid to do this?”
You: “Keep it up, you’re almost there! With a bit more practice, your trolling could really lead to some impressive eye-rolls.”
19. The Disappointed Critic
“I must say, your trolling lacks subtlety. It’s all very 2005. We prefer our trolls with a bit more finesse and wit here.”
Expressing disappointment in the quality of the trolling can be a funny way to show that you hold trolls to a higher standard, humorously suggesting they try harder to impress.
Example:
Troll: “Even my grandma can do better.”
You: “I must say, your trolling lacks subtlety. It’s all very 2005. We prefer our trolls with a bit more finesse and wit here.”
20. The Mindful Meditator
“I sense much anger in you. Have you tried meditation? It works wonders for anger management and trolling impulses.”
Offering a solution to the troll’s apparent anger with a recommendation for meditation is a humorous way to address their negative energy and propose a positive outlet.
Example:
Troll: “This is infuriatingly stupid.”
You: “I sense much anger in you. Have you tried meditation? It works wonders for anger management and trolling impulses.”
