Connecting deeply with your romantic partner is one of life’s greatest joys.
Though it’s easy to fall into comfortable routines, injecting some playful curiosity can reignite the spark that drew you together in the first place.
Asking thoughtful, open-ended questions is a powerful way to learn more about your partner’s inner world — their hopes, dreams, fears, and quirks that make them uniquely them.
Not only does it strengthen your bond, but it can also lead to lots of laughter and interesting conversations you may have never had otherwise.
Questions to Ask Your Partner to Get Them Talking
Here are 10 fun and thought-provoking questions to ask your partner the next time you want to liven things up:
1. If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
This classic question is a great way to get your partner’s imagination going. Would they want the ability to fly so they could travel the world? Read minds to better understand people? Turn invisible to sneak around undetected?
Ask them to think through the implications of their chosen power. How would it change their day-to-day life? Their relationships? Their career? You might be surprised by the creative scenarios they come up with.
Their answer can also reveal a lot about their values and motivations. Someone who craves telepathy may put a high premium on empathy and connection. A person partial to super strength or speed might be driven by a need to protect others or test their limits.
Listen closely and follow up with questions to understand the “why” behind their choice. You’ll likely uncover some fascinating insights into what makes them tick.
2. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
This question will get your partner reflecting on times they’ve pushed themselves out of their comfort zone. Perhaps they backpacked solo through Southeast Asia, skydived over the Swiss Alps, or moved to a new city where they didn’t know anyone.
As they recount their experience, look for the emotions that light them up. What parts of the story do they seem most excited to share? Proud of? Nostalgic for? This can clue you into the kinds of adventures they’d like more of in their life.
On the flip side, if they struggle to think of anything, gently probe why. Have they always been cautious by nature? Did they have restrictive circumstances growing up? Are they itching for some excitement but don’t know where to start?
Rather than judge their current comfort zone, explore what lies at its edges together. Brainstorm bucket list activities you could try as a couple, whether that’s a cooking class or an international trip. The planning process alone will be full of thrills.
3. Who was your celebrity crush growing up?
Prepare for some hilarious revelations with this blast from the past. Whether they were enamored by Justin Timberlake’s frosted tips or Topanga’s girl-next-door charm, your partner’s teenage idol says a lot about who they were before you met.
Beyond the chuckles and cringes, childhood crushes can hint at your partner’s early ideas about attractiveness, masculinity, femininity, and romance. While you discuss, ask what traits they admired most about their crush. Was it their talent? Style? Attitude?
See if you can spot the through-lines between their first love and the qualities they value in you now. Maybe they’ve always had a thing for soulful musicians or quick-witted comedians. Or perhaps their tastes have changed dramatically over the years as they’ve matured.
If they seem shy about sharing, model vulnerability by going first. We all had our cheesy teenage obsessions; bonding over them can be a sweet, fun way to appreciate each other’s journeys. Just try not to be jealous if their crush is hotter than you!
4. What was your favorite toy or plaything as a kid?
Nostalgia is a powerful way to reconnect with your inner child, and this question will send your partner on a delightful trip down memory lane. As they describe their cherished teddy bear or prized Hot Wheels collection, look for the little details that mean the world to them.
What was it about this particular toy that made it feel so special? Was it a gift from someone important? Did they spend countless hours imagining fantastical adventures with it? Could they control or customize it in satisfying ways?
Learning about the playthings that captured your partner’s heart can shed light on their interests, emotional needs, and creative spark from an early age. Perhaps their beloved dolls foreshadowed their nurturing instinct or their complicated lego creations hinted at their engineering aptitude.
If they still have the item, ask if you can see it or a photo. Watching their face light up with childlike wonder is guaranteed to melt your heart. You might even be inspired to track down a replica online for the perfect nostalgic gift.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be?
This question can kickstart a fun conversation about travel, lifestyle, and long-term dreams. Would your partner choose a vibrant city like Tokyo or Rio de Janeiro? A laid-back beach town in southern Spain? A quaint village nestled in the Scottish highlands?
As you listen to them describe their dream destination, pay attention to the specific things that appeal to them. Are they drawn to the cuisine? The architecture? The pace of life? The landscape? The language?
Their answer may hint at deeper desires, such as a craving for novelty or a longing to reconnect with their ancestral roots. If they imagine themselves slowing down and savoring sunsets, they might be feeling burnt out by their current routine. If they want to live among artists and intellectuals, they might be yearning for more creative stimulation.
Use their fantasy as a springboard to discuss the elements you could weave into your real life together. Maybe you could take a cooking class, start learning a new language, or plan a trip to scope out your dream locale. Bringing a little bit of “there” to “here” can make daily life feel more exciting.
6. What’s your favorite book of all time and why?
For the literary lovers out there, this question can spark an impassioned discussion about cherished stories and the life lessons they imparted. Even if your partner isn’t a big reader, they probably have at least one book that left an impression.
As they gush about the characters, themes, and unforgettable scenes, try to identify what it is about this particular book that resonated with them so deeply. Did it change their perspective on an issue? Reflect on their own experiences to them? Introduce them to a whole new world?
A person’s favorite book says a lot about their values, hopes, and fears. If they love a heroic tale of good triumphing over evil, they might have a strong moral compass and believe in fighting for what’s right. If they favor gritty stories about messy, complicated people, they might be drawn to nuance and skeptical of tidy endings.
Consider reading the book yourself if you haven’t already, then organize a mini book club discussion for two. Analyzing literature can be a wonderful way to learn how your partner interprets narratives and relates to characters from their unique vantage point.
7. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
Wisdom comes in many forms, and this question can shed light on the philosophies that guide your partner through life. The advice they share could be something they learned from a mentor, a line from a movie, or a homespun proverb passed down through generations.
As you listen, reflect on how you’ve seen them put this wisdom into practice. Do they repeat it to themselves when they’re stressed? Use it as a filter for tough decisions? Share it with others who are struggling?
Also, ask about the circumstances in which they originally received the advice. Were they going through a difficult time? Embarking on a new chapter? Searching for direction? Understanding the context can deepen your appreciation of why it means so much to them.
If the advice resonates with you too, look for ways to turn it into a shared mantra or guiding light for your relationship. You could frame it and hang it on your wall, or make a ritual of reciting it to each other when one of you needs a boost.
Let your partner know how much you admire their commitment to growth and openness to learning from others. We could all use more wisdom and perspective in our lives.
8. What’s your earliest childhood memory?
This question can transport your partner back to their very first experience of being alive. Early memories are often hazy and fragmented, but certain sensory details tend to stand out like beacons.
Maybe they remember the rough feel of their grandfather’s stubble when he hugged them, or the sweet smell of cookies baking in their grandmother’s oven. Maybe they can still picture the way sunlight dappled a pond where they used to catch frogs or hear the jingle of the ice cream truck rounding the corner on a hot summer day.
As they describe these impressions, listen for the emotions threaded through them — feelings of safety, wonder, confusion, or love. Early memories can offer clues to our most primal needs and fears.
If the memory is a difficult one, hold space for them to process it without judgment. Painful experiences can leave lasting imprints, and sharing them vulnerably is a profound act of trust.
Thank them for allowing you a glimpse into the origins of their life story, and emphasize that every chapter — even the messy ones — is an irreplaceable part of who they’ve become.
9. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
This question is an invitation for your partner to dream out loud and an opportunity for you to learn about their unfulfilled yearnings. Their answer could be as simple as taking a painting class or as epic as climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.
Whatever they share, get curious about the deeper “why” that makes this particular experience so appealing. What feelings do they imagine it would evoke? What parts of themselves would it allow them to express more fully? What story would they love to tell about themselves?
If their aspiration seems daunting, help them break it down into manageable steps. Brainstorm ways to dabble before diving in, like watching YouTube tutorials or seeking expert advice.
Look for the overlaps between their wish list and yours. Is there something you’ve both been longing to try that you could finally take the leap on together? Becoming adventure buddies can be a thrilling way to grow your bond.
Even if you don’t share the same dream, ask how you can support them in making it a reality. Sometimes we just need a loving champion in our corner to help us believe that anything is possible.
10. What’s one thing you love about yourself?
In a culture that tends to fixate on flaws, this question is a beautiful invitation for your partner to celebrate their strengths and sources of pride. It’s a chance for them to dwell on what’s right and good within them, and to feel seen and appreciated for it.
Maybe they’re in awe of their capacity for empathy or impressed by their resilience in the face of hardship. Perhaps they’re tickled by their offbeat sense of humor, or grateful for their health and vitality.
As they share, reflect on their positive qualities with specific examples of how you’ve seen those traits in action. Let them know that you don’t just love them despite their quirks, but because of them.
If they struggle to think of anything, gently guide them with observations of your own. Remind them of moments when they were especially brave, kind, or brilliant. Help them to see themselves through your adoring eyes.
This isn’t just an exercise in flattery, but an opportunity to strengthen your partner’s sense of self-worth. When we feel valued and validated by the people closest to us, it becomes easier to extend that same compassion to ourselves.
Wrapping Up: Curious Questions Create Connection
Asking your partner meaningful questions is a simple way to deepen intimacy and reignite joy in your relationship.
By approaching them with genuine interest and compassion, you create a safe space for them to reveal more of their authentic selves.
Remember, the goal isn’t to interrogate but to explore together.
Let your curiosity guide you down unexpected paths and be open to wherever the conversation leads.
You might be surprised by the hidden treasures you discover along the way.
Ultimately, the real magic of these questions lies in the way they train your attention on the things that matter most — beauty, vulnerability, growth, and love.
With practice, you’ll find yourself savoring your partner’s essence in the seemingly ordinary moments of daily life.
So keep asking, listening, and marveling at the endlessly fascinating soul you get to call yours.
A lifetime together is sure to be full of delightful surprises.