Finding the perfect nanny for your little ones can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack.
With so many candidates vying for the position, how do you know which one will be the best fit for your family?
That’s where references come in.
Speaking with previous employers can give you invaluable insights into a potential nanny’s personality, work ethic, and caregiving style.
But what exactly should you ask to get the information you need?
Questions to Ask About Nanny References
Before you start dialing numbers, take a moment to jot down some key questions that will help you make an informed decision.
1. How long did the nanny work for you, and what were her responsibilities?
This is a great way to kick off the conversation and get a general sense of the nanny’s experience. Try saying something like, “I’m considering hiring Sarah as our nanny, and I was hoping you could tell me a bit about her time working for your family. How long was she with you, and what were her main duties?”
The length of employment can speak volumes about the nanny’s reliability and commitment. If she worked for the family for several years, it’s a good sign that she was a valued and trusted employee. On the flip side, if she only stayed for a few months, it could indicate that there were issues with her performance or fit with the family.
As for responsibilities, you’ll want to make sure they align with what you’re looking for in a nanny. If you need someone who can handle meal prep and light housekeeping in addition to childcare, but the reference says the nanny only focused on playing with the kids, it might not be the best match.
Keep in mind that every family’s needs are different, so don’t automatically write off a nanny just because her previous role wasn’t identical to what you’re envisioning. The key is to get a sense of her overall experience and skill set.
2. What were the ages of the children the nanny cared for?
Age can make a big difference when it comes to childcare. A nanny who has experience with infants will have a very different skill set than one who has only worked with school-age kids.
You might say, “I noticed on Sarah’s resume that she’s cared for children of various ages. Can you tell me how old your kids were when she worked for you?”
If the ages line up with your own children, great! You can feel confident that the nanny has relevant experience and knows how to handle the specific needs and challenges of that developmental stage.
But even if there’s not an exact match, don’t despair. A nanny who has worked with slightly older or younger kids can still be a great fit, as long as she has the flexibility and willingness to adapt to your family’s unique needs.
The reference’s response can also give you insight into the nanny’s ability to connect with children of different ages. If they rave about how she was able to engage and entertain both their toddler and their preteen, that’s a promising sign of her versatility and creativity.
3. How would you describe the nanny’s personality and demeanor with the children?
A nanny’s qualifications and experience are certainly important, but so is her temperament. You want someone who will be a positive and nurturing presence in your child’s life, not just a babysitter.
Try asking, “I’m curious to hear your thoughts on Sarah’s personality. How would you describe her overall demeanor and the way she interacted with your kids?”
The ideal answer will vary depending on your family’s preferences and parenting style. Some parents prefer a nanny who is energetic and playful, while others prioritize a calm and gentle approach. There’s no right or wrong answer, but you want to make sure the nanny’s personality is compatible with your own.
Pay attention to the words the reference uses to describe the nanny. If they say she was “patient,” “kind,” and “loving,” that’s a good sign that she has the warm and nurturing qualities you’re looking for. On the other hand, if they describe her as “strict” or “no-nonsense,” she might be better suited for a family that values a more disciplined approach.
Keep in mind that a nanny’s personality can also impact her ability to handle challenging behaviors or situations. If the reference mentions that she remained calm and composed even when the kids were having a meltdown, that’s a great indication of her emotional resilience and problem-solving skills.
4. Were there any issues or concerns that arose during the nanny’s employment, and if so, how were they handled?
No one is perfect, and even the best nannies will occasionally face challenges or make mistakes. What matters is how they handle those situations and whether they’re open to feedback and growth.
You might say, “I know that no job is without its ups and downs. Were there any issues or concerns that came up during Sarah’s time with your family, and if so, how did she handle them?”
If the reference says there were no problems whatsoever, that’s great! But don’t be alarmed if they mention a minor issue or two. Hearing about how the nanny resolved a conflict or adapted to a challenging situation can give you valuable insight into her problem-solving skills and professionalism.
For example, if the reference says the nanny initially struggled to get the kids to stick to a schedule but worked with the parents to create a reward system that motivates them, that shows that she’s proactive and willing to collaborate to find solutions.
On the flip side, if the reference describes a major issue that went unresolved or says the nanny was defensive or unwilling to change her approach, that could be a red flag. You want someone open to constructive feedback and committed to providing the best possible care for your children.
5. How responsive and communicative was the nanny? Did she provide regular updates and seek guidance when needed?
Clear and consistent communication is key to a successful nanny-family relationship. You want to know that your nanny will keep you informed about your child’s day and reach out for guidance or clarification when needed.
You might ask, “Can you give me a sense of how Sarah communicated with you during her time as your nanny? Did she provide regular updates and seek guidance when she had questions or concerns?”
The ideal answer will depend on your family’s communication preferences. Some parents want daily written reports, while others prefer a quick verbal check-in at the end of each day. The key is that the nanny was proactive about keeping the family informed and was comfortable seeking input when needed.
If the reference says the nanny was great about sending photos and videos throughout the day and always kept them up to date on the kids’ activities and moods, that’s a great sign that she understands the importance of communication.
On the other hand, if the reference says the nanny was hard to reach or rarely provided updates, that could be a cause for concern. You want someone who will be responsive and communicative, not someone you have to chase down for information.
It’s also important to consider how the nanny communicates when there’s an issue or concern. If the reference says she was great about bringing up potential problems early on and working with the family to find a solution, that’s a promising sign of her proactive approach and problem-solving skills.
6. How well did the nanny follow instructions and adhere to your family’s rules and routines?
Every family has its own unique set of rules, routines, and expectations, and your nanny must be willing and able to follow them.
Try asking, “I’m curious to hear about how well Sarah followed your family’s instructions and routines. Was she receptive to your guidelines and able to stick to the schedule you set?”
Ideally, the reference will say that the nanny was great about following their lead and adapting to their family’s needs. If they mention that she was proactive about asking for clarification when needed and always made sure to check in before making any changes to the routine, that’s a great sign of her communication skills and respect for the family’s preferences.
On the flip side, if the reference says the nanny struggled to stick to the schedule or frequently disregarded their instructions, that could be a red flag. You want someone who will work with you to create a consistent and predictable environment for your child, not someone who will constantly challenge your authority or undermine your parenting choices.
It’s also worth noting how the nanny handled any differences in parenting style or philosophy. If the reference says she was respectful of their approach even when it differed from her own and was open to finding compromises, that shows that she’s adaptable and willing to put the family’s needs first.
7. How engaged and interactive was the nanny with the children? Did she actively play with them and plan age-appropriate activities?
A great nanny does more than just keep your child safe and fed. You want someone who will actively engage with your little one, stimulating their mind and nurturing their curiosity.
You might say, “I’d love to hear about the types of activities Sarah planned for your kids. Did she actively play with them and come up with age-appropriate games and projects?”
The ideal answer will depend on your child’s age and interests, but in general, you want to hear that the nanny was proactive about creating a fun and enriching environment. If the reference raves about the creative art projects she planned or the imaginative play scenarios she came up with, that’s a great sign of her enthusiasm and dedication.
It’s also important to consider how the nanny adapted to the children’s changing needs and interests. If the reference mentions that she was great about noticing when the kids were getting bored with activity and quickly pivoting to something new, that shows that she’s attentive and flexible.
On the other hand, if the reference says the nanny mostly lets the kids entertain themselves or relies on screen time to keep them occupied, that could be a cause for concern. While independent play is certainly important, you want a nanny who will take an active role in your child’s development and engagement.
8. Did the nanny ever go above and beyond her expected duties, and if so, how?
A truly exceptional nanny does more than just the bare minimum. She goes the extra mile to make your family’s life easier and more enjoyable.
Try asking, “Were there any times when Sarah went above and beyond what was expected of her? If so, can you give me an example?”
The reference’s answer can give you a sense of the nanny’s work ethic and dedication. If they mention that she often stayed late to help with bedtime or took it upon herself to organize the playroom, that shows that she’s committed to providing the best possible care for your family.
It’s also worth noting any special skills or talents the nanny brought to the role. If the reference raves about her ability to teach the kids Spanish or her knack for coming up with creative learning activities, that could be a major bonus for your family.
Of course, it’s important to have realistic expectations and not assume that every nanny will be a superhero. But hearing about times when she went the extra mile can give you a sense of her overall attitude and approach to the job.
9. Would you recommend this nanny to other families, and if so, why?
This is perhaps the most important question of all. A strong recommendation from a previous employer is one of the best indicators of a nanny’s quality and reliability.
You might say, “Based on your experience, would you recommend Sarah to other families? And if so, what would you say are her biggest strengths as a nanny?”
If the reference gives an enthusiastic yes and lists off several positive qualities, that’s a great sign that the nanny is a top-notch caregiver. Pay attention to the specific traits they mention – things like patience, creativity, and reliability are all key attributes to look for.
On the other hand, if the reference seems hesitant or gives a lukewarm endorsement, that could be a red flag. You want someone who left a truly positive impression on their previous employers, not someone who was just adequate.
It’s also worth considering the context of the recommendation. If the reference says they would hire the nanny again in a heartbeat if they hadn’t moved away or if their kids hadn’t aged out of needing care, that speaks volumes about their satisfaction with her performance.
10. Is there anything else I should know about this nanny that we haven’t already covered?
Even with all of these targeted questions, there may be important information that didn’t come up naturally in the conversation. That’s why it’s always a good idea to end with an open-ended query that gives the reference a chance to share any additional insights or observations.
Try saying something like, “Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me about Sarah. Before we wrap up, is there anything else you think I should know about her or her time working for your family?”
This question can elicit all sorts of valuable tidbits – things like the nanny’s special knack for soothing a fussy baby or her ability to stay calm and collected under pressure. It can also bring up any minor concerns or areas for improvement that didn’t necessarily warrant mentioning earlier.
The reference’s answer can help round out your overall impression of the nanny and give you a more complete picture of what she would bring to your family. It can also help you identify any specific questions or topics you want to bring up in your interview with her.
Just remember that no nanny is perfect, and every family’s needs and preferences are different. The key is to gather as much information as possible and trust your instincts about what feels right for your unique situation.
Final Thoughts on Getting the Details on Potential Nannies
Finding a nanny you trust to care for your little ones is no small feat.
But armed with these key questions, you’ll be well-equipped to get the insights you need from references and make an informed hiring decision.
Remember, the goal isn’t to find a cookie-cutter-perfect caregiver but rather to find the right fit for your family’s unique needs and dynamics.
By asking targeted questions and listening to the answers, you’ll be well on your way to finding a nanny who will become a beloved and indispensable part of your household.